


Fill my heart (with emptiness)

by plantboycharms



Series: Electra Heart [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fear and Loathing, M/M, Paranoia, Team Feels, certified sadboy, sad boy, someone help kageyama tobio, the team is friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 23:32:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10604598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantboycharms/pseuds/plantboycharms
Summary: “Paranoia,” the internet had told him. He was just “paranoid” and he just had to get over it. But how could he get over it when it was something so deeply ingrained into his personality? This was just who he was. He had accepted it. And, eventually, his parents had given up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not everyone is out to screw you other  
> (Baby, you don't have to live your life in fear)

Never in his life had Kageyama had friends. 

There were people who talked to him, people who expressed genuine interest in speaking to him, but he didn’t trust it. How could he? What did they want from him? It was all suspicious, they were all suspicious, and he didn’t want anything to do with it. No way, no how, no sir. 

His parents had brought him to therapy time and time again as he had grown up. Through adolescence he had stopped throwing screaming fits about it and had started to just sit, sullen and silent, staring at the poor therapist who had fallen victim to his parents’ persuasive tactics this time, neither responding nor reacting to their questions, until they too gave up on him. He couldn’t trust them either. They were out to get him, all of them. They could take his parents’ money, but not his secrets. 

“Paranoia,” the internet had told him. He was just “paranoid” and he just had to get over it. But how could he get over it when it was something so deeply ingrained into his personality? This was just who he was. He had accepted it. And, eventually, his parents had given up. 

Middle school came, and Kageyama joined the volleyball team. Of course he did. 

His parents had practically jumped for joy. Their son was in a team! How could he possibly NOT make friends with this group of boys he was spending every afternoon with?

Kageyama was nothing if not talented, he thought. Talented at volleyball, and talented at pushing people away. 

No fucking way was he going to let these people hold him down. 

And they didn’t. He soared. He excelled. And he alienated them all, too, in one fell swoop. It was easy. He didn’t want friends anyways.   
*  
Hinata Shouyou was hard to get rid of. 

He was like a fly, or a mosquito, or some other annoying bug, buzzing around, bouncing and shouting and not leaving Kageyama alone. Ever. Not in school, at practice, his phone buzzing at two in the morning when he couldn’t sleep, sitting in the van on the way to a game, in the showers… anywhere. Kageyama couldn’t get away from him. Ever. Even when he was out of his presence, Hinata was still… there. Somehow. 

It annoyed him. Kageyama liked being alone. He sought out solitude. He wanted to be left alone, thank you very much. The dark chill of being by-himself, not-bothered, alone, was comforting.

But all of a sudden, he was surrounded, all the damn time, with the soft glowing light of people-being-around-and-including-him. Hinata wasn’t the only one. Noya and Tanaka would shout at him from across the yard, Sugawara occasionally placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as they stood together in practice, and even Tsukishima nodded at him if they crossed paths in the halls. 

He hated it, but… not as much as he thought. 

They were annoyances, drawing him away from himself, from his hidey-hole, but he couldn’t stop it. It was very persuasive, that warmth. And it’s not like Hinata would let him stay away for that long anyways.   
*  
But all things came to an end, he thought, waking up in bed one morning. He rolled over to see no messages from Hinata. 

That was it. They were tired of his attitude, and Hinata had gotten bored of him, and he had given up on him, and that was that. 

Oh well, he thought to himself, rolling back over in bed. No point in going to school. No point in doing anything, really. He could give up now. 

The cold was rolling back over him. He stayed in bed, long enough to warrant his mother coming in and asking him what he was waiting for, he would be late to class. He told her he was sick, not going to school, and she placed a hand on the back of his forehead, telling him she would call the school and bring him some plain rice and broth later. He nodded. No point. 

Time passed. He stared at the wall. No point in anything else. Sometimes he thought to check his phone for messages, but he had nothing. He turned it off, and, as an afterthought, took out the battery. It didn’t matter, he reminded himself again. Nobody would text him. It was better this way anyways.   
*  
Minutes passed.   
*  
Hours passed.   
*  
From the light outside, he could see that it was getting later. Afternoon practice would begin soon. They would notice he was gone and be happy. Finally free of that Kageyama, that King of the court, that fucking asshole that we all hate, they would say. He wouldn’t let tears fall, but they were there, prickly in the corners of his eyes. He hated this weakness. This was why he didn’t let people get close to him in the first place. 

The door to his room shouldn’t have been banging open,

but it was. 

And a ball of energy and orange hair was throwing itself onto the bed, on top of Kageyama’s still form, yanking at the covers and shouting “WHERE WERE YOU?? YOU DON’T LOOK SICK!! WHY WEREN’T YOU AT SCHOOL!!!???” 

And he was rolling over under the weight of a very small decoy sitting on him to see a very concerned face, with small tears in the corner of its eyes, now with hands fisted in his shirt. (Lucky that he had decided to sleep in a shirt last night, he thought.)

“What… what are you doing here?”

“Well my phone was dead this morning and then you weren’t answering my texts so I went to school all by myself but practice wasn’t the same without you so I left early so I could come find you and ask when you were going to come back and your mom said you were sick but she let me come in to see you because she’s really nice and then now I’m here and you’re not even sick at all why didn’t you come to school I know you did your homework last night so it’s not even like you were avoiding turning it in what the heck huh???” Hinata spilled out, in what seemed like one single breath. 

Kageyama blinked at him, not comprehending what had just happened. 

“What do you mean, your phone was dead?” 

“Well I forgot to plug it in last night so it was dead when I woke up so I plugged it in then but it didn’t charge until I was at school and then I turned it on and you hadn’t texted me so I texted YOU and then you didn’t answer and I sent you like a hundred texts but you still didn’t answer so I thought you had DIED!!!”

Kageyama’s eyes flickered over to his phone, sitting next to the battery on his bed. Hinata followed his eyes and saw the two, separately, and shook Kageyama’s shirt in his hands again. 

“Why is your battery out of your phone is it broken because if it is we have to get you a new phone you need a phone so I can text you and you can tell me where you are so I don’t think you died because you can’t just go and die that’s not allowed so why is your phone like that??”

Kageyama stared at Hinata some more, still very confused. Then he wriggled a hand out from under Hinata’s knee and pulled the back off of his phone, shoving the battery back in and booting it up. As it turned on, it began to buzz over and over, getting message after message. They were mostly from Hinata, but a few came from Noya, Tanaka, and Asahi, with a couple from Sugawara and Narita as well. 

Hinata let go of Kageyama’s shirt and stared at him, uncharacteristically silent, as Kageyama scrolled through all of his messages, a small smile growing on his face. 

“We missed you,” Hinata said finally, looking away from Kageyama to stare at the window, blushing. 

“I… I didn’t know,” Kageyama said finally, looking away also. He was ashamed. They were his friends, he realized. They cared about him. 

It was a terrifying realization. 

But he didn’t really mind.   
Hinata sprang up, socked feet on either side of Kageyama, and pulled at his arm. 

“Come on come on let’s go back to practice come onnnn!!” He shouted, yanking at his arm so hard he thought his shoulder might dislocate. 

“Get off my bed, dumbass. It’s too late to get to practice now, and I haven’t eaten.” 

“Well then get up and we can go get food or something. Your mom said we could if you were feeling better,” Hinata replied, hopping off of the bed and turning around, stars in his eyes. 

“Fine,” Kageyama grumbled, sitting up and throwing his legs off the bed. But he couldn’t get up, because suddenly Hinata had his knees on either side of him, practically sitting in his lap, hugging around his shoulders and pressing his face into Kageyama’s neck. 

“What the hell, Hinata,” Kageyama said, trying to feign anger, but not getting very far. He slowly, carefully placed his arms around Hinata’s tiny waist and held him there, just for a moment. When he felt Hinata’s grip loosen slightly, he took his arms away quickly and looked away as Hinata took his legs down one at a time and stepped back. 

“Whatever, Bakageyama. Let’s just go. Get dressed.” Hinata said, now very red, looking away from him and turning around to grab his bag. 

Kageyama didn’t reach for his arm, didn’t thank him, didn’t pull him back for another hug, like he wanted to. He just stood up, sliding on pants and grabbing his wallet from his bedside table, bumping into Hinata’s shoulder as he walked past him out the door. 

“Well? You coming?” he called over his shoulder, taking a few steps down the hallway. 

And when Hinata bounded up next to him, suddenly chattering on again about inviting the team to come to dinner with them, or a picnic, or to go to the store, or maybe they could all go play volleyball at the park, he felt a little smile come to his face again. 

Maybe, just maybe, this could work.

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, he fuckin knocks out another fic in this damned series  
> I listen to these songs in the car but I can't write in the car y'know??? Like??? Ya gotta watch the damn road??????   
> Someone help Kageyama Tobio (or me) (or both of us)   
> Scream at me on tambler dot com its fragile-euphoria   
> also leave me comments and kudos so I have the motivation to finish the rest of these the ideas are there in my head I just can't seem to put them on the page yknow  
> love y'all


End file.
